Love and a Demon Goat Disguised as a Bicycle (a.k.a. I hate wind)

So two days in a row, I'm relatively late for work. I say relatively, since I can start anywhere between 9am to 10am, but generally am in the office at 9. This week, it was 10:00 on Tuesday, and 9:30 today.

Why, oh why do you ask? Damn good question. Become a slacker again? Right, like I ever wasn't a slacker. Decided the battle to free your people (drug war prisoners) wasn't worth getting up in the morning? Yeah right, NEVER SURRENDER!

First, Tuesday. Full hour later than usual. This is because I was hit. I don't call it an accident when the driver looks at you, and decides that getting past the double-parked car on the left, and the dumpster on the right, is more important that a bicyclist's health, and rams said bicyclist into the dumpster. Then burns off without stopping.

I shouldn't say I got hit, my demon goat of a bicycle, Chupecabra, took the brunt of it. Actually, I'm pretty sure the beast is mad at me, since I dumped the bike. There, I admitted it. I jumped off the back. Minor hand damage from the car hit, minor knee pain from landing hard on my left leg.

Chupecabra? All twisted up. Bad. Slightly ridable for a second, with an askew handlebar/front wheel combination, and something funny going on in the back. Actually, the hub and back mounts popped off, but I didn't find this out until the base of the Manhattan Bridge (Brooklyn side, where formerly I broke a rib), when the back wheel popped out completely.

Can I say I leave something cheap in New York? Of course I can! 99 cent stores are a godsend. Where else can you, for 1.98 plus tax ($2.15) can you pick up a set of allen wrenches and a mini-crescent, the very tools I needed to get Chupecabra in ridable condition. Took me about 15 minutes to get to the store, 5 minutes to find what I needed, and another 10 to get Chupecabra in working order.

Not complete working order. Somehow, the front rim got shaved. That meant flat tire this morning. Front tire. No matter, I was planning on installing a thorn-resistant tube and anti-puncture slimes... after I filed down the shaved rim (to prevent further side-panel flats). So, only a half hour late this morning, most of which I blame on the wind.

Let me rant here about the wind and riding a bicycle: how is it, no matter what direction you're riding on a bicycle, the goddamn wind is going against you? I switch from West-by-Southwest, to South, to West, to North, and every turn, it was like going directly into a wall of wind. I even turned back a block, and somehow, the wind was still against me! I'm blaming the east coast for that one.

Damn, I've rambled too much. Next week, something less mundane than bike crashes (which means, of course, that my good fortune of not wearing a helmet is no longer paying off, goddamnit!).

So... Where Was I, Again?

I guess back in California, though if my tales were told, I was a complete slacker. Barely saw anybody, barely did anything. I didn't even blog from the road, but I do have a caveat here: my new laptop died.

Actually, the shitfuck virus posing as an operating system, Windows XP, decided to immolate itself in a most inglorious fashion, namely in front of an attractive woman, making me look the fool (trying to explain why this goddamn laptop is so great, when it won't even boot).

In the meantime, I've installed Ubuntu Netbook Remix, and outside of the usual linux-related-I-need-to-be-a-full-time-geek-to-fix-the-glitches shit, the fucker is running smooth, so I'm mostly happy again. Except for that one button that turns off the wireless (for airports) that causes the entire system to freeze (hardware interrupt problem). Outside of that, I'm all good.

I did catch two rides from Craigslist, and I gotta say, I came out like a champ. I'm a little concerned post-ride though, because in both instances, extremely attractive women were giving me a ride for fair price. Why does this concern me? Because I'm a goddamn ex-con, damnit!

Actually, I was more concerned that within a couple of hours, I wound up driving said vehicles, with the person supplying the ride going to sleep. This means that I, obviously, exude a certain level of trust and comfort that is totally at odds with what I tried to accomplish as a seedy, dangerous ex-con.

Meaning, much like the school of alcoholism, I've totally fucked it up, and wasted those 7 years I could have spent becoming a dangerous individual. I still like beer though, and I still can drop a pig in under 30 seconds. I'll take both as a consolation prize.

Regardless, I have nothing but praise for the rideshare program with Craigslist: they done me great. Cheap rides, beautiful women, and control of the car stereo, a most coveted power in all circles, not to mention nearly-anonymous ones.

Anyways, enough of that. I spent a lot of time with my family, which was a real change up. First time we've all been together since before I got sent up the river (or whatever you want to call it).

Now? Now I'm back, so all four of you will be entertained once again with the random exploits that I regularly undergo in these mean NYC streets.

Time to Take a Break!

California-bound, though I've got a stop along the way: Santa Fe. Several inches of snow await me, which to me seems weird.

I mean, it's New Mexico. When I think Mexico, new or old, I think desert. Hot, dry, desert. Like Palm Springs, without the stuffy rich people. Or the palm trees. Yet I'm headed into a snowstorm. Leaving NYC, which on Monday was 65 degrees, and still managed to snow lightly on Tuesday.

Yes! Snow! I had a snowball fight with my brother coming out of a bar on 4th Avenue in Brooklyn.

On some weird non-sequitur ish, I got myself a tiny notebook for trecenta median (sure I fucked the spelling on that one) dollares. This thing is so fucking small, I can't even type on it. I mean, I can, but only if you accept paired typing, so "t" becomes "ty" or "tr" depending on the sway of my fingers.

Seriously though, I highly recommend it. Solid state hard drive, which, unless I do my usual klutz shit, will last longer than I will. Weird to think about that. No matter. Asus EEE 901, dope, dope, dope ish. It also means I might blog once or twice from the road - but no promises, I'll be on vacation after tomorrow. Fight the tears, all four of you.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Mexico. I, of course, being totally ethnocentric and a prick to boot, forget completely about the Yucatan, which is like lush tropical jungle. For me, Mexico is like Cabo San Lucas - all fucking desert. Either hilly or flat, like in the movies, but desert. Like there isn't enough water in the entire country to support 100 people, much less the 100 million.

Oh well, it's just another example of my limited perceptions. I'm getting awfully used to them.

And with that, it's time to head out to fight it out with my p.o. (who's giving up no love), so I can get my travel permission and hop on a plane in seven hours. Fuck I'm up early!

I'm back!

No doubt, all four of you have missed me. I'm deeply touched, really.

While I would say that I'm happy to be back, truth be told, it was a rugged month - studying for the LSATs, only to tank the logic games section regardless. I don't know what's been wounded more, my sense of accomplishment or my sense of pride.

Incidentally, I did wind up with an actual wound - fractured another rib. No car, actually, this time it was purely a mechanical freeze up. Somehow, the crank decided to hiccup, just when I was powering my left leg down. So instead of the leg and pedal going down, my body went airborne, at which time I thought it'd be great to land on my handlebars chest-first. Actually, rib-first. This time, however, the rib that took the brunt of the damage is one of those mostly-cartilage floating ribs, so it doesn't hurt too bad. Except for when I'm taking the LSAT, and it's the only thing that can distract me from the white walls, flickering white fluorescent lighting, or the...

...okay, I have to admit, I had another problem. For whatever reason, there was like 100 beautiful women taking the goddamn LSATs yesterday in Manhattan. It was un-fucking-believable how many beautiful women were surrounding me. I was flabbergasted - where do they disappear to? I haven't met that many attractive attorneys.

Clearly, there's some void that none of us know about, a void that sucks in all of the attractive attorneys, and leaves us with fat, older, bald-headed white guys that hate humans. In other words, leaves us with who I'll be in another five years.

Just kidding. I don't think I'll go bald.

So I'm back! I'm leaving for California (once again) in about a week and a half from now, which means at least one more posting before I'm on vacation!