Fucking Fuck Fuck Fuck!

So, I signed up to take the LSATs in December.

Yeah, I know. Big fucking deal. Yet another asshole ambulance chaser. Or rather, a facsimile of a human with only two organs: identical assholes. Right.

I'm not trying to become a lawyer. I'm trying to get a law degree for something even more stupid: credibility. I'm trying to become a public policy expert, and that fucking law degree confers automatic expertise, even though half a million dipshits (i.e. prosecutors) already have gotten one in the past, making the entire exercise some kind of questionable waste of money.

Not that I have money, I'm going to borrow it. I'm still questioning the logistics of why I'm bothering to save money, when I'm going to go into such a ginormous debt that anything I put away to later pay off my debt will be like spitting on a forest fire to put it out.

To top it off, if I manage to mismanage one more relationship with the more enchanting sex, I think I'm going to chemically casturate myself as a service to humanity. Either that or become a whore. There's something about the extremes I find at least entertaining, if not productive or beneficial to the world. I would go for porn, but I just don't have the courage, the penis size, or the physique to make me an in-demand porn star, and I'm just not willing to do the amateur circuit - it's all or nothing with me.

Do you think there's a demand for chemically-casturated pornstars? Manboobs and semi-soft genitalia?

Okay, Okay, goddamnit, I'm sorry! I'm not trying to scare you three off!

So, outside of law school and fucking off relationships, I've also realized I can eat just about anything. My dinner tonight consisted of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream, as the appetizer for some collard greens with rice, brown rice vinegar, canola oil, buffalo meat, eggs, candied ginger, mango salsa and chili pepper sauce. I can't quite describe what it tastes like, but I can say my roommate made a definite "no thanks" after he smelled the concoction.

And if I look at any more porn after this weekend, I'm seriously going blind.

Which makes me think that my bike is starting to wear into my fucking brain: I'm acting like a damn goat in rut. I swear if a cantelope shows up, the fucker's in trouble.

Sorry! Didn't mean to scare you! Seriously, I wouldn't do that to a cantelope - too tasty to ruin the soft, supple, sweet flesh....

...ohhhh....

Nevermind. I probably would. Fucking Fuck Fuck Fuck!