Malakkar Becomes Boring!

It's true. I hate to say it. I'm about to become... boring.

Why? Because I have to study for the LSATs! It's terrible, I tell you! While I might entertain with an angsty tale or two of lost romances, and horrible intersections between myself and whatever that demon goat throws me into next, for the most part, I'm buckling down the hatches that don't exist, and getting my mind on LSATs and applying for law school.

Which is to say, that I'm totally procrastinating on finishing my personal statement right now. It's beyond inexcusable, but I'm a notoriously fickle writer, given to tantrums and moments of inspiration alike.

For instance, right now I'm backing some shit up, and wondering why the fuck I'm not actually listening to any music for a change. I'm also wondering how I've managed to make it almost a whole month without a major traffic accident. Well, almost a whole month. Well, okay, I've only been on the beast for three weeks, and the first week I did get into another accident when my chain fell off... and I got hit by a taxi...

..but outside of that, I feel like I've really turned a corner with Chupecabra, and the broken rib is like payment made for the next upcoming year in NYC. I hope.

I also managed to get a raise at work. Which means I'll actually have a second dollar bill to rub the first one against. Soon enough: wall street, and I'll be able to get a bailout, assuming I make enough bad credit decisions.

Speaking of bad credit decisions, I applied for and received a United VISA card, only to cancel it the day I got it. They gave me so much damn credit, I thought the crisis was about to ride on my back! I got scared, I admit. To wield that much opportunity to royally fuck myself for the next 20 years was too much for me. I balked at the potential, and coughed that fucked up into a pair of scissors, after calling to ensure it would never be activated.

Nice try, fuckers, I'll only become your debtslave for law school, not for cheesy shit at Target...

...not that I shop there... or much of anywhere outside of eBay and Craigslist. I am, after all, still stuck rubbing two bills together...

Next time: post election analysis, or, how we're still royally fucked, and what YOU can do about it.

Sensitive Subject: Terrorist Endorsement of McCain?

So... you might have paid attention a few weeks ago, when I alleged that electing McCain would lead to the end of the American Empire.

Evidently... though they don't contemplate Europe or Latin America, as I have, they've pointed to the same economic failure that is the current U.S. economy. They're alleged terrorists, and they support McCain, relying on him to support Bush's policies in the Middle East, which are bankrupting the U.S., creating a market for recruitment, and not at all helping out Joe-sixpack/plumber/hairstylist/interior decorator/beerswiller or whatever.

This is not the first case of my seeming clairvoyance... my professional blogging, at D'Alliance, had a piece I wrote specifically about a Ventura County Star story that alleged Prop 36 was leading to an increase in the crime rate. Instead, I pointed out, there was an increase in arrest rate, which just indicates shifting law enforcement priorities. My contention was that Prop 36 was working, but that the cops were just arresting more people as a result (probably because they figured if they arrested more people, they could keep prison numbers high, and they're right on the money with that).

Not one day later, USA Today featured a Drug Court Judge, stating Drug Courts Don't Work because they widen the net of arrests, siphoning more people into prison, rather than less. This is because cops go after more and more petty dealers and junkies, since it's easy pickings, and makes their numbers look good.

So, all 4 of you, you now have 2 examples of the incredible, not-quite-edible predictive powers of my rants and musings. Be afraid, be very afraid!

Working on Satuday: Whoring Against the Man

Here I am at work, fixing up some beater computers to donate to a Brooklyn Nonprofit.

Why? So I can be some kind of righteous prick, that's why. I'm helping a nonprofit that does charity work. I'm sure the judge will like it when I try to kill my paper, especially since this charity services a bunch of ex-drug addicts.

Also, I hate the thought of throwing away perfectly usable stuff, especially computers, because I spent so much of the 90's groveling, begging, and digging through trash to put together a computer for my own use. Hey! They were expensive back then, even if you DIDN'T want to play video games.

So, I'm being green, being a goody two-shoes, and even working a weekend to get it done. How far from the grace of being the despicable dope dealer have I gone? I might resemble someone who's truly reformed, but it's a pile of crap. I still don't regret hooking people up with quality LSD. I think it was the right thing to do. I don't recall too many people complaining, until I told them that I wasn't going to provide that service anymore. What can I say? Despite societal labels, I was pretty popular as a drug dealer. Lifestyle I miss. I make up for it these days by handing out candy at work. It's sad, but it is about the best I can do with what I got.

Can I describe to you in non-geek details what installing Windows XP is like on older machines? Imagine trying to drink oatmeal through a straw, that constantly crimps on itself, so it's not like you can do the whole suction-continuous flow trick that works so well for siphoning gas out of other people's tanks... er...

...not that I've ever done that, mind you.

Where was I? Oh yeah, oatmeal and crimping straw. So even though it says it will install in 45 minutes, since I have to babysit the fucker, and it's already running like a slug, it's more like an hour and a half. Disgusting. This is why I switched to Linux. That, and I'm a geek.

So, I'm not getting paid to do this by anyone in particular, so I've now decided I'm not whoring against the man, I'm slutting against the man. Take that, you four!

So I Went To Cali, And All I Got Was This Lousy Redeye.

And for you pervs, no, I'm actually talking about my flight back to NYC.

What can I say? Leaving California gets harder and harder each time. So much so, that during lunch today, I booked my next trip out in November. Yeah, that's how much I miss Cali... I'm not even back five hours to NYC, and I'm making sure I'm returning to NoCal.

So... my trip. I know, you're all dying to hear about it...

But you're not going to like this next part: nothing happened. I had a great time. I chilled with some friends, I chilled with my moms and pops, I got some work ish done on Friday, and tried to get an in at Boalt Law School (didn't seem to work). I ate all kinds of food, I wasn't super cheap with my cash. I hung out a bit in Sac...

In short, nothing worthy of this blog happened. Nothing on me broke - neither the body, nor the heart. But now I'm back, and Chupecabra stares at me with evil intent... sure to exact vengeance, vengeance for my willingness to turn him aside for a measly trip to California.

And, in the spirit of things, I have turned myself over to Bacchus. Also known as Dionysus. Eris: eat shit and die, you've been a bitch to me, and I resent the shit out of it. Get yer head on straight, and we'll talk. Recently, she's been playing with the stock market, and I can honestly say that I feel their pain, I know what it is to have a life in complete turmoil because the goddess has decided that you need change to understand that you're still fundamentally fucked up.

No, I don't retract my statement. Just because I'm fundamentally fucked up, doesn't mean that I need an ancient goddess to point that shit out to me. I do fine enough on my own.

Except for pool. I got my ass kicked at pool yesterday. It would have been embarrassing, but I can always counter that I lost on purpose, because my opponent was attractive. It would be a lie. The losing on purpose part. She whooped me something silly. I could blame the beer, but it actually improved my game.

I mean, who would ever think that a clutz could type, let alone play pool? Well, the former I got covered. The latter? I'm just glad I wasn't betting money with her, she'd clean me out in under an hour (yeah, I'm still broke like that, don't hate! There's nothing beautiful about hate!).

Now, to sleep. Tomorrow brings more work, and maybe one day I'll actually make a funny blog again.

Or I'm just stringing all four of you along (yeah, I got it on good authority that there's four of you curmudgeons now).

Time will be the judge of that.