My Blog from MySpace v. 8 (Two)

Tuesday, February 05, 2008


Low Profile Excellence...
Current mood: amused
Category: Automotive

So, part and parcel to the three week tech support for my brother in SoCal, he sends me his special BMX bike. Special, mind you. As in, he's sunk hundreds of dollars into making this bike the best thing on wheels.

It arrived last Friday. I opened up the box, and found a bunch of rusty parts that appeared to all go together. I assembled it, amazing because I'm a fucking clutz, and only remotely capable in the field of software application management... in all other fields, I'm a dunce with an overinflated sense of ability, which also includes my personal blog, my various writing projects, and especially my driving record.

In fact, if it weren't for my phenomenal luck, I'd be dead right now, having crashed a Prelude in an attempt to dodge a rabbit on the road (I did succeed in dodging, but I hate to think how many died in my subsequent burnout into a roadside ditch). There are other examples, but the Prelude is the first to mind. It was a $500 lesson (lucky, should have been more) in how bad of a driver I am - excellent reaction time (this was over a decade ago, after all), no idea at all of how to use said reaction time.

Where was I? Oh yeah, rusty bike. All put together, and I'm looking at a rusted-out frame, handlebars, chain, and a brake that doesn't work... the cable rusted out as well. At this point, I'm thinking, "well, goddamn, I give this fucker some of the best tech service money can buy for free, and he gives me the most fucked up bike I've seen since the pedal broke off of my Huffy [see previous blog: Fuq Huffy]? What the hell!"
Don't get mad - he didn't do me wrong. Closer inspection revealed that the hubs were clean, as were the rims. While the cosmetic damage was extensive, this bike, when assembled, had a certain sturdiness about it. My brother mentioned over the phone that it could use a professional tune up, and that the crankset needed new spacers in order to work right, so take it to the shop and get it serviced.

Despite needing a tuneup, and new spacers for the crankset, this fucking thing FLEW down the road. If I had higher gearing, I could really crank out some speed on this thing, and my bike mechanic said it should work even better once the tuneup is done. This thing looks like a complete piece of shit. I could clean it up, by why entice the thieves?

I'm the proud new owner of a stealth fucking missile!


P.S. Hey Huffy: Fuck You!

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